Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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