What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
