I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize