eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
