mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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