Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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