woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
