it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
