What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
