Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
