i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
NoShamevember. You game?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
