I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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