I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
