Kiss
Puke
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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