I cockslap morals
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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