Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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