If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
