its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize