After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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