I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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