I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
