we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Actions speak louder than pants.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize