I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
