I think I just saw someone hide a body.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
