My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
