I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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