I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
