Taylor Swift is so right about you.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
