check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Non-Jews are for practice
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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