did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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