yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
