it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
