My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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