You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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