Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize