how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
