The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
