things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
