Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Boobs are out for the taking
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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