we have officially lost it.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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