yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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