so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
