He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
