I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
