come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
