3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
