My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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