i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
