OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
