I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
