well you can't waste a boner
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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