I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
