Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
