So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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