is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
