I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
