I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize