Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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