party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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