Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
