You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
