i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
