He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
