Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
